Life now

I've been reflecting a lot on life and the universe over the last couple of years, but particularly in the last twelve months. I have read lots (!!) of 'self-help' books and surfed every web-site I can find about bereavement, moving on, positivity, etc, etc, etc. I began to think that maybe the old adage that 'time heals' is the only thing to wait for. I guess that this is certainly true. As days turn into weeks, into days, into months then there is a certain distance that develops between your mind and whatever it is that has changed you.
I do like to be pro-active though and wanted to do things for myself and this is something I have enjoyed doing and want to share my personal answers:-)

 1. Write down three things you are thankful for:-

 Having a beautiful home
 Having good friends
 Having a beautiful dog

 2. Describe a terrific time / episode in your life

I'm in Kenya, with my friend Nicky, floating in a balloon over the Masai Mara. Total peace. Gradual warmth of the day. I'm with a good friend. Looking down in wonder at vultures nests in the top of Acacia trees. Wonderful smells and colours. I felt alive from top to toe.

 3. Describe your ideal perfect, fantastic future

I live with a partner in a house in the countryside, wood burner, Rayburn, dogs in the kitchen, child running around. Family and friends close by. Parties, shared holidays. My job pays the bills. I am a counsellor, specialising in bereavement. I have love in abundance and am thankful for it.

 4. Write a letter to someone you care for - telling them why you do.

 Dear Chez,

Needed to tell you how special you are. You are one of the strongest women I know. You are perceptive, kind, generous and warm. I love your scattiness and our shared sense of humour. I love your joy in Nature, your dogs and of all places wild! I admire your independence and sense of adventure. I am honoured to count you as such a close friend xxx

 5. List the 'ingredients' of your life that you have or aspire to

 Aromatherapy, my dogs, counselling, friends, home, kindness, strength, positivity, self-worth, peace, conservation, wildlife, thankfulness, love x

 Finally, I thought of positive things that I have now as a direct result of my change in life and they turned into a list of women:

Helen - my beautiful mad cousin - words can't say how much I care for her x
Rachel and Kelly - they are dog-mothers to Peggy
Tracey - my gym buddy, inspirational, strong friend who has helped me endlessly
Iona - she works in Pandora in Oxford and she sent me an amazing card (subject or another blog another time!) Sasha - she did my nails in Debenhams, Oxford and saved me when I was at my darkest Linda - she is my psychotherapist and someone I trust, respect and care for x
Dr Lawrence - My long-suffering GP who has been fabulous throughout
Charlie - she is my hairdresser of a few years now and is my long-suffering confidante!!
Jenny - my gorgeous, funny, strong, indispensable next-door neighbour - love her so much x
Penny - Life coach extraordinaire, who gently pushed me in the right direction when I was going through bad times x
Dr Kanas - My dentist and more! She is an amazing lady who has given me back confidence and self-esteem.

 So, you see, you can have a huge heap of positivity in your life before 'Time' sorts it out for you. It won't be a quick fix, but looking at the good things in life really does help.
 I would to love to hear other people's experiences of trying this.
 Go on, do it......

BB   Lynne xx

New Life

Where to start? I havent been in the right frame of mind to Blog for quite some time. Life has been difficult, upsetting, challenging, enlightening…….I could go on but you probably get the picture?! My husband, Steve, died one year ago on his 51st birthday, January 18th. I won't go into details right now but he ended his own life after a long battle with PTSD and it's associated mental health problems. I am still geographically where I was before. My home has become my sanctuary - a place to find peace and stillness and allow my thoughts and feelings to flow. I still have a dog. I rescued a spaniel, called Peggy, last summer. She is hard of hearing so we get on really well as she can't hear me moaning!! No more allotment, no more chickens, no more bees. I lost the heart for a lot of the lifestyle that I had before. It was a life I shared with Steve and felt too painful to carry on alone. But, all is not grey and miserable, you will be glad to hear! I have had plenty of time now to evaluate my life and am beginning to see a path forward. I'm not sure exactly where it is taking me and that does make me nervous. This blog is now a diary of my life 'going forward' - God how I hate that expression!! :-) The title 'Scrumptious Pumpkin' comes from Steve's nickname for me and from our dream of buying a canal boat and giving it the same name. I dedicate this Blog to Steve, Breaca and Gwyn, all in the Summerlands together. Look after me in my journey and don't laugh at me too much. See you again one day xxx

Catching up

Have been inspired by a work colleague to review our Blog today and do some 'catching up'.
I didn't realise how long it has been since I last shared my thoughts here - doesn't time fly?!!
The second half on 2009 was a bit crap to say the least, but I think that sometimes life does throw periods of time like this at you. No idea why, but I guess it will all become clear to me eventually!
In short, we have had a running dispute with our neighbours which has been terrible, then my older brother David died very suddenly after a battle with cancer (will be sharing my thoughts on this in a future Blog). To cap things off, we had a car crash on the way to be with my brother as he died, when a man did a u-turn on the motorway in front of us! My car was written off and it has cost us a considerable amount of money to furbish us with a new vehicle, due to a pitiful amount of money from the insurance company. To say we have been stressed is definitely an understatement!!!
Seeing the back of 2009 is a big relief and feels like a new start.
We have already had a slight change in direction with our beekeeping, as we now have 2 hives at Kelmscott Manor http://www.kelmscottmanor.org.uk/ . Steve is mentoring them in their quest to keep bees and have their own honey supply for their shop. It is an exciting project for us and has already brought us the lovely gift of new friends too!
We went to our first Anderida Druid camp last September which was wonderful! A long weekend was spent with old friends and new while we wove a ritual together around the theme of Cerridwen. The ritual culminated in the walking of a huge fire labyrinth which was scary and awe-inspiring. It felt like a re-birth.We are very much looking forward to the next camp which will take place in May.
We are members of OBOD (Order of Bards, ovates and Druids) and have been for a number of years. So far we have stayed within the first stage of the order, as Bards. This is due to a mixture of our idleness (not sending in our bardic homework!!) and just having too much fun as this grade! We have promised that we will shift ourselves before the next Summer gathering in June to progress to the Ovate grade - there, we've said it publicly!!!!!
I am still studying with the Open University for a post-grad certificate in 'Advancing health care'. It is a long process, but will be completed in the next 12months hopefully!
Steve is planning on attending an advanced trauma course in the spring, which is a course he has wanted to be part of for a long time. Additionally, he will soon be part of the local 'First Responders' team, helping people in our local area when they have a medical emergency - absolutely brilliant news and a great use of his skills in trauma, resuscitation, etc.
So, in summary, bye-bye 2009 and hello 2010 - may we learn from last year and take our new knowledge forward wisely.