Poems

Winter

Slicing winds cut the air,
 making incisions in my breath.
Splinters of ice crack beneath diamond snow,
 spiteful slippery underfoot.
Naked trees stand stalwart on guard,
 their roots clenched deep in the cold, cold Earth.
Mammals scratch to find meagre food,
 to sustain them through another encroaching night.

This is Winter in her bitter glory.
This is the time of cleansing, clearing, death and rebirth,
 out with the weak and the sick, in sacrifice to the strong and the new.
For underneath that freezing cloak, the Earth beneath is waiting.....
......waiting to show her shoots of green, to bloom and flower and sing.
To shake of her mantle of chilling white,
 to reveal the promise of Spring.

Lynne Williams 2013

Life now

I've been reflecting a lot on life and the universe over the last couple of years, but particularly in the last twelve months. I have read lots (!!) of 'self-help' books and surfed every web-site I can find about bereavement, moving on, positivity, etc, etc, etc. I began to think that maybe the old adage that 'time heals' is the only thing to wait for. I guess that this is certainly true. As days turn into weeks, into days, into months then there is a certain distance that develops between your mind and whatever it is that has changed you.
I do like to be pro-active though and wanted to do things for myself and this is something I have enjoyed doing and want to share my personal answers:-)

 1. Write down three things you are thankful for:-

 Having a beautiful home
 Having good friends
 Having a beautiful dog

 2. Describe a terrific time / episode in your life

I'm in Kenya, with my friend Nicky, floating in a balloon over the Masai Mara. Total peace. Gradual warmth of the day. I'm with a good friend. Looking down in wonder at vultures nests in the top of Acacia trees. Wonderful smells and colours. I felt alive from top to toe.

 3. Describe your ideal perfect, fantastic future

I live with a partner in a house in the countryside, wood burner, Rayburn, dogs in the kitchen, child running around. Family and friends close by. Parties, shared holidays. My job pays the bills. I am a counsellor, specialising in bereavement. I have love in abundance and am thankful for it.

 4. Write a letter to someone you care for - telling them why you do.

 Dear Chez,

Needed to tell you how special you are. You are one of the strongest women I know. You are perceptive, kind, generous and warm. I love your scattiness and our shared sense of humour. I love your joy in Nature, your dogs and of all places wild! I admire your independence and sense of adventure. I am honoured to count you as such a close friend xxx

 5. List the 'ingredients' of your life that you have or aspire to

 Aromatherapy, my dogs, counselling, friends, home, kindness, strength, positivity, self-worth, peace, conservation, wildlife, thankfulness, love x

 Finally, I thought of positive things that I have now as a direct result of my change in life and they turned into a list of women:

Helen - my beautiful mad cousin - words can't say how much I care for her x
Rachel and Kelly - they are dog-mothers to Peggy
Tracey - my gym buddy, inspirational, strong friend who has helped me endlessly
Iona - she works in Pandora in Oxford and she sent me an amazing card (subject or another blog another time!) Sasha - she did my nails in Debenhams, Oxford and saved me when I was at my darkest Linda - she is my psychotherapist and someone I trust, respect and care for x
Dr Lawrence - My long-suffering GP who has been fabulous throughout
Charlie - she is my hairdresser of a few years now and is my long-suffering confidante!!
Jenny - my gorgeous, funny, strong, indispensable next-door neighbour - love her so much x
Penny - Life coach extraordinaire, who gently pushed me in the right direction when I was going through bad times x
Dr Kanas - My dentist and more! She is an amazing lady who has given me back confidence and self-esteem.

 So, you see, you can have a huge heap of positivity in your life before 'Time' sorts it out for you. It won't be a quick fix, but looking at the good things in life really does help.
 I would to love to hear other people's experiences of trying this.
 Go on, do it......

BB   Lynne xx

New Life

Where to start? I havent been in the right frame of mind to Blog for quite some time. Life has been difficult, upsetting, challenging, enlightening…….I could go on but you probably get the picture?! My husband, Steve, died one year ago on his 51st birthday, January 18th. I won't go into details right now but he ended his own life after a long battle with PTSD and it's associated mental health problems. I am still geographically where I was before. My home has become my sanctuary - a place to find peace and stillness and allow my thoughts and feelings to flow. I still have a dog. I rescued a spaniel, called Peggy, last summer. She is hard of hearing so we get on really well as she can't hear me moaning!! No more allotment, no more chickens, no more bees. I lost the heart for a lot of the lifestyle that I had before. It was a life I shared with Steve and felt too painful to carry on alone. But, all is not grey and miserable, you will be glad to hear! I have had plenty of time now to evaluate my life and am beginning to see a path forward. I'm not sure exactly where it is taking me and that does make me nervous. This blog is now a diary of my life 'going forward' - God how I hate that expression!! :-) The title 'Scrumptious Pumpkin' comes from Steve's nickname for me and from our dream of buying a canal boat and giving it the same name. I dedicate this Blog to Steve, Breaca and Gwyn, all in the Summerlands together. Look after me in my journey and don't laugh at me too much. See you again one day xxx