Poems 3

Poetry Distress Disorder

Where is this from?
This pain that is not touchable?
Thought a "flash to bang" of nil was virtually impossible.
Sweating, anxious, no hope, no will
To live feels selfish, but to die worse still.

Will it be CBT or one way in a hearse?
Peace is found like nectar in the bottom of a pint glass,
But it is then that emotions grow and the trouble starts,
Understanding is needed, therapy and more.
A society where being 'mental' has a cure.

So when you see a beggar, alone and lonely on your street,
Think it may have been war that brought about his defeat.


Lynne 2013

Poems 2

Jan 31st

Cards of condolence mixed with bills,
Combined with calls,
Combined with certificates.

'I'm so sorry's' wrapped around deepest sympathy's,
Linked with 'He was so young's' and whispered
'You know it was suicide?'

Choose a day,
Choose a time,
Choose a suit,
Choose some music,
Choose a charity.

Make some sounds,
Wipe some tears,
Drink the wine,
Work the room,
Say thank-you for coming

All I want is him still here.....

Lynne 2013

Poems

Winter

Slicing winds cut the air,
 making incisions in my breath.
Splinters of ice crack beneath diamond snow,
 spiteful slippery underfoot.
Naked trees stand stalwart on guard,
 their roots clenched deep in the cold, cold Earth.
Mammals scratch to find meagre food,
 to sustain them through another encroaching night.

This is Winter in her bitter glory.
This is the time of cleansing, clearing, death and rebirth,
 out with the weak and the sick, in sacrifice to the strong and the new.
For underneath that freezing cloak, the Earth beneath is waiting.....
......waiting to show her shoots of green, to bloom and flower and sing.
To shake of her mantle of chilling white,
 to reveal the promise of Spring.

Lynne Williams 2013

Life now

I've been reflecting a lot on life and the universe over the last couple of years, but particularly in the last twelve months. I have read lots (!!) of 'self-help' books and surfed every web-site I can find about bereavement, moving on, positivity, etc, etc, etc. I began to think that maybe the old adage that 'time heals' is the only thing to wait for. I guess that this is certainly true. As days turn into weeks, into days, into months then there is a certain distance that develops between your mind and whatever it is that has changed you.
I do like to be pro-active though and wanted to do things for myself and this is something I have enjoyed doing and want to share my personal answers:-)

 1. Write down three things you are thankful for:-

 Having a beautiful home
 Having good friends
 Having a beautiful dog

 2. Describe a terrific time / episode in your life

I'm in Kenya, with my friend Nicky, floating in a balloon over the Masai Mara. Total peace. Gradual warmth of the day. I'm with a good friend. Looking down in wonder at vultures nests in the top of Acacia trees. Wonderful smells and colours. I felt alive from top to toe.

 3. Describe your ideal perfect, fantastic future

I live with a partner in a house in the countryside, wood burner, Rayburn, dogs in the kitchen, child running around. Family and friends close by. Parties, shared holidays. My job pays the bills. I am a counsellor, specialising in bereavement. I have love in abundance and am thankful for it.

 4. Write a letter to someone you care for - telling them why you do.

 Dear Chez,

Needed to tell you how special you are. You are one of the strongest women I know. You are perceptive, kind, generous and warm. I love your scattiness and our shared sense of humour. I love your joy in Nature, your dogs and of all places wild! I admire your independence and sense of adventure. I am honoured to count you as such a close friend xxx

 5. List the 'ingredients' of your life that you have or aspire to

 Aromatherapy, my dogs, counselling, friends, home, kindness, strength, positivity, self-worth, peace, conservation, wildlife, thankfulness, love x

 Finally, I thought of positive things that I have now as a direct result of my change in life and they turned into a list of women:

Helen - my beautiful mad cousin - words can't say how much I care for her x
Rachel and Kelly - they are dog-mothers to Peggy
Tracey - my gym buddy, inspirational, strong friend who has helped me endlessly
Iona - she works in Pandora in Oxford and she sent me an amazing card (subject or another blog another time!) Sasha - she did my nails in Debenhams, Oxford and saved me when I was at my darkest Linda - she is my psychotherapist and someone I trust, respect and care for x
Dr Lawrence - My long-suffering GP who has been fabulous throughout
Charlie - she is my hairdresser of a few years now and is my long-suffering confidante!!
Jenny - my gorgeous, funny, strong, indispensable next-door neighbour - love her so much x
Penny - Life coach extraordinaire, who gently pushed me in the right direction when I was going through bad times x
Dr Kanas - My dentist and more! She is an amazing lady who has given me back confidence and self-esteem.

 So, you see, you can have a huge heap of positivity in your life before 'Time' sorts it out for you. It won't be a quick fix, but looking at the good things in life really does help.
 I would to love to hear other people's experiences of trying this.
 Go on, do it......

BB   Lynne xx

New Life

Where to start? I havent been in the right frame of mind to Blog for quite some time. Life has been difficult, upsetting, challenging, enlightening…….I could go on but you probably get the picture?! My husband, Steve, died one year ago on his 51st birthday, January 18th. I won't go into details right now but he ended his own life after a long battle with PTSD and it's associated mental health problems. I am still geographically where I was before. My home has become my sanctuary - a place to find peace and stillness and allow my thoughts and feelings to flow. I still have a dog. I rescued a spaniel, called Peggy, last summer. She is hard of hearing so we get on really well as she can't hear me moaning!! No more allotment, no more chickens, no more bees. I lost the heart for a lot of the lifestyle that I had before. It was a life I shared with Steve and felt too painful to carry on alone. But, all is not grey and miserable, you will be glad to hear! I have had plenty of time now to evaluate my life and am beginning to see a path forward. I'm not sure exactly where it is taking me and that does make me nervous. This blog is now a diary of my life 'going forward' - God how I hate that expression!! :-) The title 'Scrumptious Pumpkin' comes from Steve's nickname for me and from our dream of buying a canal boat and giving it the same name. I dedicate this Blog to Steve, Breaca and Gwyn, all in the Summerlands together. Look after me in my journey and don't laugh at me too much. See you again one day xxx

Catching up

Have been inspired by a work colleague to review our Blog today and do some 'catching up'.
I didn't realise how long it has been since I last shared my thoughts here - doesn't time fly?!!
The second half on 2009 was a bit crap to say the least, but I think that sometimes life does throw periods of time like this at you. No idea why, but I guess it will all become clear to me eventually!
In short, we have had a running dispute with our neighbours which has been terrible, then my older brother David died very suddenly after a battle with cancer (will be sharing my thoughts on this in a future Blog). To cap things off, we had a car crash on the way to be with my brother as he died, when a man did a u-turn on the motorway in front of us! My car was written off and it has cost us a considerable amount of money to furbish us with a new vehicle, due to a pitiful amount of money from the insurance company. To say we have been stressed is definitely an understatement!!!
Seeing the back of 2009 is a big relief and feels like a new start.
We have already had a slight change in direction with our beekeeping, as we now have 2 hives at Kelmscott Manor http://www.kelmscottmanor.org.uk/ . Steve is mentoring them in their quest to keep bees and have their own honey supply for their shop. It is an exciting project for us and has already brought us the lovely gift of new friends too!
We went to our first Anderida Druid camp last September which was wonderful! A long weekend was spent with old friends and new while we wove a ritual together around the theme of Cerridwen. The ritual culminated in the walking of a huge fire labyrinth which was scary and awe-inspiring. It felt like a re-birth.We are very much looking forward to the next camp which will take place in May.
We are members of OBOD (Order of Bards, ovates and Druids) and have been for a number of years. So far we have stayed within the first stage of the order, as Bards. This is due to a mixture of our idleness (not sending in our bardic homework!!) and just having too much fun as this grade! We have promised that we will shift ourselves before the next Summer gathering in June to progress to the Ovate grade - there, we've said it publicly!!!!!
I am still studying with the Open University for a post-grad certificate in 'Advancing health care'. It is a long process, but will be completed in the next 12months hopefully!
Steve is planning on attending an advanced trauma course in the spring, which is a course he has wanted to be part of for a long time. Additionally, he will soon be part of the local 'First Responders' team, helping people in our local area when they have a medical emergency - absolutely brilliant news and a great use of his skills in trauma, resuscitation, etc.
So, in summary, bye-bye 2009 and hello 2010 - may we learn from last year and take our new knowledge forward wisely.

11052009

Here are our little rascals hung up under a neighbours tree, having "kept them imprisoned in their house all afternoon"! I ak you......I shot this with not a bee suit in sight!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cd8Sxg5g3mY

Bumble bee drinking!

Spring

Life creeps out of the cracks and corners ...

slow, quiet, surreptitious.

Now warmth replaces chill.

Silence is replaced by song.

Light is generous,

extending herself to enfold both sides of Day.

All Life sighs and feels bigger, better, brighter.

Hope returns with green, green Growth.

Joy returns with the voluptuous Lady of Spring.

Blessed Be xxx

Stop third runway at Heathrow

Please, please take a look at the Greenpeace site and sign up to be a beneficial owner. Only with public action can we make our government see how bad an idea this whole thing is. Sign up to protect our countryside and our villages and communities.

If we, as the country of Great Britain, are truly serious about tackling climate change then we cannot allow this to happen.

iPHone's are marvellous!

Santa bought me a new iPhone so I have now discovered the joy of mobile blogging!
This post came up in a blog I follow (thanks Julie for the recommendation). Hope you enjoy this as much as I.


http://kerrdelune.blogspot.com/2008/12/for-yule-solstice-wreath.html

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Sheldrick Wildlife Trust

This is a photo of Shimba - the tiny little elephant that I have been sponsoring for some time now I would urge anyone who cares about these animals to have a look at the website and help this wonderful cause xxx

Beyond the Fields We Know: On Edge

Just had to link to this beautiful post. This really does sum up my feelings about Winter - but far more eloquently!!!!
Beyond the Fields We Know: On Edge

Samhain past

Just a couple of pictures of me with a couple of friends celebrating Samhain in the burial chamber Barclodiad y Gawres in Ynys Mon. Steve and I were part of an eclectic coven of pagans who celebrated the Sabbats together with great honour and a lot of joy!!

Our beautiful home

I haven't written on my Blog for a few weeks, as life has been very busy as usual and I have had woman flu!! However, today is a day I think for relaxing finally and a bit of good old fashioned contemplation.
I have filled my Blog with just a few of the wonderful pictures I have taken from, and of, our home.

We are so lucky here be rewarded, almost on a daily basis, with sumptuous sun-rises and seriously scrumptious sunsets. The sun rises majestically over the back of our garden - waking our chickens up gently each morning - and then sets with a roar of red and orange over the pond to our front side.

We watch buzzards, kites, sparrow hawks and kestrels soar in our skies. Sparrows, finches, tits, woodpeckers and robins are some of the birds we feed. Fly-catchers, swallows and field fare are our seasonal visitors. Pheasant, partridge and moor hen scuttle around the garden. Foxes, hares, rabbits, deer and stoats treat us to their company, while badgers and hedgehogs leave us messages of their overnight meanderings!

To live in such a place is real food for my soul. I can take a hard day in work as long as I have this to return to.

Wonderful, wonderful Mother Nature at her very best .......

Inspiration

I must admit, I am one of those people who is inspired frequently but very rarely follows it through! I start on projects and don't always finish them ..... there, I've admitted to it!!!
My inspiration at the moment is British History.
I have been avidly following 'The Tudors' on TV and it has thrown up many more questions than providing answers. I know it is a drama based only very loosely on fact, (and it's American!) but it is absolutely fascinating! I have embarked on a bit of personal research into the 'proper' history of the Tudor line just to better understand who is who and where they all fit into our incredibly complex past. I now see where the Mary Queen of Scots and Elizabeth debacle originated from, and also where Ann Boleyn came in to the picture.
To me, having a sense of place, of fitting, of belonging is important. Whether this be a knowledge of my own family history or of my country's - it is all part of it. I know to 'live for the moment' is healthy and that you cannot change the past ......but an appreciation is good,don't you think?
All Hail our Kings and Queens - past and present.

New Blog

Launched a new Blog today. We have dedicated it to our allotment bees and all related goings-on!
http://longworthbees.blogspot.com

Know Your Enemy!

The first rule of war is: Know Your Enemy!

Meet 'Vespula Germanica' (The German Wasp), a member of the Wasp family, but NOT our Common Wasp! This Chap (or Chap-ess!), was found at the base of my hive at the lottie.

They just look AMAZING! and ordinarily, do a fantastic job in the countryside clearing up pest insects. But they do have this dark side to their nature at this time of the year where they invade our homes, and hives.

If you look closely, you can see what I think is a wound on it's thorax which, seems to be exuding some sort of plasma......eeeeewwwww!

Also, note the 3 eyes between the 2 main compound eyes! no wonder they can be little tricksters when you're trying to swat them!

Anyway, we now have 7 'Jam n Beer' wasp traps on the go at the apiary, all working well!

Up Close & Personal!

Following the Southern Regional Bee Disease Study Day @ Benson, I was inspired to get more 'personal' with my Bee's. Hence, I pitched in and bought a microscope, plus ancillaries!

Here are a few tentative, and not too brill' shots taken of one of my girls. She was found in the bottom of the hive, having passed on to the Summerlands, during a recent hive inspection.

After seeing her in all her magnificent glory, I have REALLY taken more of a shine to these facinating creatures! They need our help at every level! PLEASE........

Today however, I was at my 'Lottie' hive and witnessed first hand robbing by wasps. Now, i am a shooting and fishing man, and have lived almost all my life in the countryside, so do not consider myself 'fluffy' about life & death in the wild. But, what I watched broke my heart.

Dead bee's littered the grass in front of the hive, and wasp after wasp entering my hive at will. I vowed to take my revenge! So after restricting the entrance even further, to a single bee space, I stood guard! Shoulder to shoulder with my girls, swatting til my knuckles ached......and after half an hour in the rain the yellow body count was mounting!

Later on, at home, Lynne and I reflected on the scene. I was genuinely upset at the potential loss of one of my colonies, pouring over my growing library of Beekeeping books to find an answer. Lynne however, was very philosophical about the whole thing. ''Its just nature, its what wasps do.....'', true, but NOT to my new colony!

But she is right, I vowed to 'do the right thing', and find natural ways of stopping the slaughter, tho' many would call me a hypocrite, as a shooting man.

Everything on this wonderful planet lives in balance with everything else......except man. We see nothing wrong in defiling our gorgeous home, poisoning our precious wildlife, and killing each other into the bargain! Usually, because someone drew a line on a map somewhere. Well today, I stood up for the 'little guy', or in this case......my girls! They are the most gentle bee's I have encountered in over 5 years of beekeeping, and they needed a hand, plain and simple.

Dressing for Bees

Fully dressed for action!!!

But lets see what is underneath!!!!............

Ooh err missus!!

Get em off, get em off, get em offfff!!!!

Love the socks !!!!!